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Our Response-ability To Love

responsibilitytoloveOur world is being shaken and we’re feeling it. We’re feeling the extraordinary wake up call that is happening on the planet right now.

There’s so much uncertainty and instability (not just politically but on many levels) that our capacity to stay grounded and connected to our hearts is being tested. That’s what wake up calls are for – giving us the opportunity to let go, choose a new way forward and evolve.

I don’t know many people that aren’t being stretched to the edge of their comfort zone in some way right now. Me included.

I was in the midst of writing to you about this last week when we suddenly lost our beautiful dog Blue. He was knocked down on the road having disappeared one of his forest adventures. It was heartbreaking for us as a family to lose our special four-legged member in such a tragic way and yet, his death has also delivered a very beautiful gift. 

There is a sweet tenderness in my heart, that my sorrow has helped me to taste more fully and a shattering of another layer of the illusory ‘mask’ that protects my vulnerability from being seen. My grief has softened my heart, it has softened my partner’s heart and my children have a deeper experience of what real love and loss feel like. Together our hearts have grown stronger from our shared love for Blue.

At one point last week, I noticed I felt like giving up what I do, because it felt meaningless in comparison to our family’s loss.

Today I feel totally different. Now the shock has passed, I am feeling the significance of where I am left: a softer, stronger, more open and loving place from which to respond from my heart to what we are collectively experiencing.

This is the extraordinary thing about life’s experience; that if we let it truly touch us, it will open us to allow more love to flow through.

Blue’s death has brought me to a deeper understanding of my response-ability to love: to know my capacity to respond with love, but also to stand for love and serve it’s purpose as best I can, through my leadership.

I know I’m not alone in my experience. I’m also feeling our collective responsibility to love, as women who have the capacity to hold a generative space for healing, whilst the ground is being shaken!

I believe we’re all being called to respond with love to what we are experiencing and to support one another in transforming our lives and our world.

In the midst of a storm, how we relate to our own experience directly influences the degree to which we can navigate our way through in a loving, generative way.

It’s a bit of a catch 22. When the going gets tough, we need access to our light to show us the path ahead. Yet, when we’re triggered into difficult feelings like grief, fear, anger and despair, it can be hard to stay open to that flow of creative energy and receive the gift from our experience. We tend to ‘contract’ into victimhood and regress into the old stories about why our lives aren’t working or how we’re powerless to change the world around us. When we ‘contract’ we ‘lock in’ the emotional experience, which simply reinforces our sense of powerlessness and gets us stuck in our old patterns of fear.

This is a very real ‘edge’ for us to walk as women feeling called to take action.

How do we navigate the tough times with an open heart and allow ourselves to be transformed by our experience rather than taken down?

My experience with Blue’s death gave me an opportunity to consciously practice what I teach through the intensity of my own and my family’s grief. I held unconditional space for all the difficult feelings that I needed to feel and share. I held unconditional space for my partner and children to feel all the difficult feelings they needed to feel and share. And they held space for me.

Despite my shock, I was able still able to observe from my inner witness, what I was going through.  It was as if I was being taught very clearly that if I surrendered to feel my pain and loss fully, that I would not lose myself, that would still somehow be held – held by a loving presence within me and around me.

I got to see how every time I shared our story with others, I felt more sadness pour through me. But as my sadness was witnessed, received and held by others, I grew stronger and lighter for having shared it.

Although every challenge may feel deeply personal, it’s good to remember it’s never ours alone to carry.

The depth of grief I expressed last week was not just my grief, it was the world’s grief. The love I feel now is not just my love, it’s the world’s love.

We are all part of a much bigger universal wave that is the world (and the universe) in motion right now.

Collectively we are experiencing a tumultuous ride through rich emotional landscapes and meeting the consequential inertia that kicks in to protect us from our most vulnerable feelings. If we’re caught unaware in this collective inertia, it can be harder to illuminate and see the opportunity for healing.

But if we zoom out to a higher systemic perspective we can see that even though we are each experiencing this ground shaking in our own unique ways, it is a ‘life positive’ wake up call and this time, we are not alone.

We’re part of a collective awakening to love, that we’re experiencing together. Each time one of us opens our hearts a little more, it creates more love in the field for us all to receive. Each time we choose to take the path of love, we choose to lead ourselves and others beyond the status quo and out of our collective inertia.

I believe the individual and collective challenges we are experiencing now, are calling us to open to and lead from a deeper presence of love that is available to us.

We’re being asked to claim Sovereignty of our feminine wisdom and to show up with the power of our vulnerability. We’re being called to lean into our capacity to foster real change for ourselves and the world around us, by owning and sharing our gifts. That capacity comes directly from the strength of our hearts and an inner alignment with our true call to serve.

What’s happening in the world right now, is a call for us to come out of isolation and trust our passion to co-create with life; and to receive the support and collaboration that is needed to bring our Soul-led contributions forward.

It’s a call to respond to life from LOVE rather than fear and stay open to the inner guidance that is steering us to create a new, more sustainable future.

This doesn’t mean we should minimise the trauma that might be surfacing in us or in the world right now, that doesn’t help. But neither can we let it overwhelm us, because it’s not the only thing that is present. Our job is to give space to it, so it can be felt with loving presence and to receive the gift from it, so it can be released.

As Awakening Feminine Leaders we are learning to find the middle ground, where we can hold a more spacious awareness and witnessing presence for whatever we are feeling within us and in ‘the field’ around us. This stance of loving acceptance of ‘what is’, holds the door open for creative solutions and resourcing to emerge from an essential Source of wisdom and inspiration within and around us.

It’s this ‘response-ability to love’ that opens us to the power of choice.

Without choice, we are simply puppets of the past, reinforcing the status quo and disconnected from the evolutionary future that we came here to birth.

I believe this is the very core of our inner work as feminine leaders; to stay with our own process of healing and expansion within the chaos of life around us. Living on this evolutionary edge of Self-leadership and keeping the inner fire of our hearts burning bright, is what grounds our capacity to bring our gifts to the table and allows our light to emanate from our own inner alignment.

One of the most important things I have learned in the last few years of my own journey is that we can’t do this work alone. The old paradigm of independence no longer makes sense when we realise that the denial of our interrelatedness is a significant contributor to the world’s suffering.

Our response-ability to love is bringing us together, knowing in our hearts that if the problem is a collective one, then so is the solution.

We need one another to hold the space for our individual and collective transformation.

It’s time to come together, to let go of the collective wounds that have bound us to the past and ground ourselves in the love that is our birthright, so we can bring the gifts of our feminine wisdom into a world that sorely needs re-balancing.

As 2016 comes to a close, I invite you to reflect on your year to remember the experiences that have opened your heart and take moment to appreciate them. And I invite you remember the experiences that closed your heart and bring loving appreciation to yourself for those times of self-protection and to see how love was present for you even in those moments.

And if you choose, create an intention to make 2017 a year to practice your response-ability to love.

I’m excited by what this coming year holds for us all.

What’s possible when we step up to lead together, with all the love and wisdom we can muster – what kind of future might we create?

I’d love to hear from you either in the comments below or feel free to contact me by email at

With much love and blessings,


N.B. If you feel called to be part of a deeply resourcing environment with other like-hearted women and would like to explore being part of a new Wisdom Circle I am creating to support Awakening Feminine Leaders in 2017, please email me now at and we’ll set up a time to talk… x

4 Responses to Our Response-ability To Love

  1. Sharon Christie December 9, 2016 at 2:13 am #

    Joey thank you for taking the time to love humanity by writing this inspiring post amidst the trauma of losing your beloved pet Blue. I have, and have had pets too …who have brought life lessons in there plenty by living with me, and, by sadly leaving me. The animal kingdom is a great gift to humanity and particularly our pet dogs who love so unconditionally.
    Staying open hearted and loving like you say in your post even in upsetting and stressful times, is surely the way forward in a world full of uncertainty …loving thoughts and loving acts gather momentum and power and can change the consciousness of even nations who seem stuck in old self serving values. We have tremendous power as spiritual women who value all life in all forms…no loving thought or loving act is ever wasted even though we may not see immediate results from it. Women know this only too well as mothers and carers. There is truth in tbe saying “we must not lose heart”.xx

    • aflcommunity December 9, 2016 at 7:06 pm #

      Dear Sharon, thank you so much for your comments. I am learning that writing/sharing when we are in the place of deep truth is very resourcing. You are so right about the choices we make to bring love however apparently small gather momentum and are never wasted. Because we are spiritual women we know the power of our energy and how we direct it…all counts. I wonder if that saying is really – ‘we can never lost heart’. Our capacity to be present with ‘what is’ lands us in Grace. Love to you! xx

  2. Diana December 9, 2016 at 6:50 pm #

    Dearest Joey,
    I am wanting to reach out to you with a big digital hug, knowing how hard it is to part from a beloved four footed family member. The pain of the tearing apart bears witness to the depth of the connection, your love bond with Blue.
    And you blog re-minds me to stay open to being touched by the pain of the world we are living through. And to remain true to our knowing that we chose to be here to midwife its rebirth. And a birthing process is usually a bit pain-full, yet we forget about that completely after the birth!
    I want to remind you that the work you are bringing is of immense value and creativity – perhaps the timing of the birthing of each of its children must remain a mystery! Keep on trucking brave heart!

    • aflcommunity December 9, 2016 at 7:12 pm #

      Thanks so much Diana, big digital hug received and reciprocated!! There was a lot of learning/iterating last week. I love that you have connected the death with birth. There are perhaps impossible to separate. We are indeed midwives I feel. Thank you so much for the reminder… It is always such a gift to know that the light of a heartfelt share is being received and appreciated. Let’s keep on trucking together! Much love xx

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